you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize