I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
