i need an iv and a liver transplant
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
