so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
