Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
