i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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