I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's blow job season.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
