Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
