Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
