So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
