I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
