i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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