Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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