I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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