And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
