I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
