just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
