I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
even my farts smell like vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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