i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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