people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize