Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
