No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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