we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
