U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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