Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize