I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
