What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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