So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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