He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
