Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
