my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
