Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
