we have officially lost it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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