The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
