The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
