could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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