i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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