The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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