So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I love you.
Bad choice
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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