I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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