I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Randomize
