Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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