yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
