I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
