Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
