I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
