you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
