Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
