can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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