i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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