You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
