The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i drank out of a bidet.
Houston, we have a squirter
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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