hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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