Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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