so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
