No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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