not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
