I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
