gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize