then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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