My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
