My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I still have a little drunk in my system
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
