I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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