apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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