You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
