The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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