we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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