This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
