I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
