No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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