Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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