That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
