i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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