I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
