I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
