At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
