Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
