My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize