did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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