Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
