Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
