were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
