all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
