mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize