it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
