Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
