I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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