I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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