Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
