Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
