There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize