You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize