i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
