birth control should be required to get into college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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