You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
