Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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