Having a random hookup so left but love u
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
