Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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