Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
