This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
