Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize