what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
