We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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