You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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