I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
