I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize