I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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