I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just high enough for therapy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize