I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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