Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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