so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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