Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you had me at cake vodka
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
