You really coming over, don't trick.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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